secrets from a boy (who’s seen it all)

I turned 25 a few days ago but I haven’t turned a single page of this book from where I stopped reading since January. I have goals unattained from March last year. I am yet to be the person I wanted to be at 10. I am nowhere near where I thought I would be but at the same time, right at this moment, I reckon I am where I am supposed to be.

I have a list of things to say to my 15 years old ambitious self, but that really wouldn’t be letting go of the past, would it now?

There is neither a rule nor a hack to life. On the contrary, acceptance is something that is close to living life rather than just surviving. Accepting things as they were, as they are and as they will be.

Please beware of the irony because I say this as someone who is particular.

Meanwhile, thanks to my anti anxiety meds and circumstantial changes in life, I have slowly moved on towards embracing the absurdity that is our existence. I will probably spend my whole life trying to assign deeper meanings to it but I would be lying if I say I haven’t learnt to laugh at how ridiculous it is.

I want to caress life and cackle at how silly it is. If I am going to laugh at myself I might as well take a dig at existence and shake with laughter at how remarkably ludicrous it is.

Life essentially does not hold any meaning. Nor is there one specific way to make it meaningful. You make what you want of it however you choose to do so. Live it as you please. Assign meaning as you like. Or don’t. It is inevitable many of our lives are going to be mediocre but then again who will be the judge of that?

The weight of existence can be overwhelming oftentimes resulting in existential dread and anxiety. There is simply no winning here other than embracing the absurd.

Don’t take it from a self-aware guy in his mid-20s who struggles with anxiety cause what do I even know about life?

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